Releasing Thinking

Judgement is definition. As long as I am in the process of describing and defining, I am bound by judgements. This has its roots in the relation I have with my own thought. I feel, I experience and instantly I begin translating it into thought in the effort to understand.

But definition, in order to create meaning, needs to have an “other” via which it shapes itself. I am always in relation to, rather than being.  Much as I would like to leave aside judgement it will not be possible whilst I continue to map out the world around me in this fashion. 

For a long time I have felt that I have been clinging on especially to my thoughts.  My thinking allows me to define the experience of my reality, yet I deeply sense that it is actually hampering me.

I have had many experiences that simply go beyond understanding as I traditionally relate to it. I have seen things and experienced things especially in meditative states, that have shifted me profoundly and there is no explanation that I can hammer out with thought, nor do I wish to.  I draw great strength and acceptance from these moments and they simply bypass thought.

Yet there is still the fear that if I let go then I will be completely afloat. A deep part of me knows that this is not the case, but the more ego-based part furiously digs in its heels. Who am I, if I no longer seek to define me? I have been letting go of defining roles and labels, but I have yet to let go of the thinking. 

I attended a talk the other evening by Emilio Carillo* who stated that thinking was a habit. We take it as a fact, as our means of apprehending reality, but it is just a familiar trait. We can pick another.

I have it very clear that the events I experience in the physical world are born first in the non-physical realms. Reality is manifested when the energy on the non-physical planes reaches a depth, density and focus that allow it to become apparent on the physical plane.

This requires a shift in focus. We are used to tending to the external manifestations and working hard to change the things already in physical existence. This for me corresponds to my understanding of “doing”. We feel we are operating as we should, though remaining unsatisfied by our efforts. It is the way we “do” things and it is exhausting.

But I am seeing that my reality springs less from my “doing” than from my “being”.  I have to first “be” what I wish to experience and manifest. But the being naturally transcends thought. My thought will seek to judge the “being” and to compare and contrast it to what is already manifest.

I have to seek the beingness within me. One way I am working with this is to just tell myself to “Be my I AM presence.” Especially when I begin to feel disperse and frazzled it is almost instantly calming and centering. I begin to sense the fluidity of my being with all the world around me, the sense of flow rather than separation.

The more I seek to be in myself, the more able I am to recognise the beingness in others and in the unfolding world around me. I get to sense, feel and intuit things with an acceptance, which is radically different from the tabulating, comparing and defining of my traditional thinking.

* He is a great speaker, many of his talks are available on YouTube, though only in Spanish.